We are all Alive Inside. Moving. Shifting. We are all endlessly in motion.
“And I find that process beautiful too - our own becoming's, our endless waves of transformation that unfold and crash into each other time and time again. ”
I think we keep a lot of things locked away inside. And I think that we all have magical and crafty ways of keeping it that way - or so we think.
Expressing myself felt like a foreign concept, I actually didnt know I had been slowly finding my way with its magical support and aid, until I met my Expressive Arts Therapist - Christy. (explore her here)
It's special, the bond we have with our own higher power (however it might express itself to us). In this moment, meeting Christy, was my own connection with my higher power. And it was reaching through my Psychotherapist I see weekly, for my hand. So I graciously reached back. It was simple - my therapist had received some info that Christy was taking a program, it was to do with Expressive Arts and she needed some practicum hours to complete it. My therapist knew, this would be a perfect fit and opportunity for me.
She was right.
Christy helped me to fully open the flood gates of my expressive heart and soul. Some doors that I didnt even know could be opened, others that I didnt have the courage to. As soon as her and I started to connect, I KNEW. I knew she was my people. I had found my type of people!
And the journey began. Working with Christy, I not only explored how to express myself in a safe and sacred space - but I found a safe and sacred space within myself. All of the parts of me that always wanted to express themselves, and seep out of that locked away space - the part that was slowly pouring open over the past few years - was finally set free.
I am continually amazed and beautified with the act of "permission giving". Each time I give myself a little more permission...
To be...
To feel...
To express...
To exist...
To heal...
To love...
Just a little bit more permission each and every time, it feels like my arms are opening, and I am present. I am showing up. I am here. Arriving.
After Christy and I collided like shooting stars hanging out to celebrate life together for a little bit - expressing myself became a gentle practice of permission giving.
It was slowly building for some time. And I find that process beautiful too - our own becoming's, our endless waves of transformation that unfold and crash into each other time and time again.
My expressive spirit was gaining its stength behind my locked doors, for some time. Here and there I would sit down and give it permission to dance, and play, and explore. But each time, I'd corral it back into the gates, and tuck it in, and wave goodbye.
Now, my expressive spirit IS me. It exists with me every single day. Just an hour ago I decided to dance out a sneeze I had. It just, naturally unfolded. I sneezed in the form of a dance.
Christy spoke about something similar in one of our sessions together. She was speaking about how there is always permission available to us, to explore our expressive spirits in any creative fashion we choose. "Dance to the sound of cutting carrots", she said. I didn't get that, like I now get that.
It was her that helped me corral properly. I corralled all of the beautiful and magical parts of me that make me - me. My sensitive and intuitive spirit, my empath essence, my curious nature, my energetic field around me, and my loving heart. She helped me to bring them all in together, and dance, move, shift, paint, draw, and write with them. Welcome them, invite them - celebrate them.
I one time spoke to and connected with a tree via a poem she invited me to write. (Checkout my blog post titled: "Wisdom from a Tree - A Letter.") "What would that tree say to you?" she asked.
This was a special tree to me. I sat and watched it everyday. And after writing to it, listening, acknowledging its existence - I had a different relationship with it.
And that's really the whole point isnt it? Finding how to express and connect with the things we exist with - to deepen and shift our relationship with them. I experienced this with my chronic back pain I gained after a Motor Vehicle Accident I was in, in 2019. Through an 8 Week Mindfulness and Meditation Course through the BCALM Association a few months after my accident, I began to learn that it is possible to have a different relationship with my pain. I couldnt make it go away, I couldnt change it, but I could change my relationship with it. And even in this profound shift back then - I was expressive in my way of moving. What I did then was visualize a small version of me inside of myself, hugging my spine, and giving the pain my loving energy. And it changed it. My pain changed. It shifted.
I believe that we are all this. We are all just constantly in motion. We are moving parts and energies, feelings, and thoughts. We are expressive creatures - waiting to unfold into a puddle on the floor where we will make sculptures out of ourselves. Let them harden. And then break them down, melt them again, and blow them and smear them around the floor into a new piece of creation. And maybe we'll scoop it all up into a cup and bring it somewhere else, and............
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